A Painted Desert

It was I who knew you in the wilderness, in the land of drought; Hosea 13:5

“He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye." -Deuteronomy 32:10

The seasons of life are a funny thing. I feel like as a young person, I didn't think about how many seasons and how many changes will happen in a lifetime. You grow and become molded by those seasons. This year our snowy winter came pretty late and hasn't really been what we expected. Life is very much like that.

The other day as I was getting ready for work, I had a nice little flashback of a trip I took with my grandparents when I was younger. They took us many places (and I am so thankful for them) and introduced us to a world beyond our own. This particular trip was to New Mexico to visit my beloved uncle and cousins. I believe it was in the summer and I was about 10 or so (my grandpa would know for sure.) As part of our trip, my grandparents took us to explore some National Parks, as they always did on our adventures together. This time it was The Petrified Forest National Park and Painted Desert in Arizona. It's part of the Four Corners and near the Grand Canyon. I wasn't too excited, probably because my brothers were annoying me and we had to drive even more. (I am so thankful for those trips. Words cannot express the place where I keep those memories. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa.) As we drove through gazing at the splendor of colors in the sand and dirt, we listened to my grandpa tell us all the he knew. We soaked it up. It was so barron and for most kids, probably pretty boring. I got something out of that desert and I was in awe of how beautiful it was. It broke my heart to hear about how people over the years had done things to it and taken the beautiful petrified wood that somehow found itself there, in the middle of such a desert. Needless to say, I was glad we went there.

Some of you may know that when I moved to St. Cloud, my heart was in a very interesting place. And knowing that I was going to be on my own and in a sense, alone, I was not thrilled. I was excited, but found myself already wishing for change. Mainly because of things that surfaced during my time alone. I talked alot about God and the things I understood He wanted for me. But, as far as doing what I needed to do to attain such things, it wasn't going to happen. It was a hold up. Night after night, I would cry myself to sleep thinking that I wasn't enough, filled with bitterness, and hurt. I wrestled with God in those days of lonlieness about past and future relationships, the loss of my brother, and the divorce of my parents. I prayed like crazy all the time and talked to God (and Darla, my plant) out loud in my apartment. God was so present to me after a couple months. I started to know healing like I never have before and know God like never before. Contentment began to reign in my life as He answered prayers one by one and stripped away the things in my life that had created a wall between Him and I for so long. I never realized it before, but the wall was keeping me from so many things. I never wanted to recognize it was there. I didn't want to see it.

As I sit here now, in another new season of life (completely surprised by it, by the way.) I realized the last year was very much a painted desert. I wouldn't change it for a thing. It was a painful but beautiful time in my life. And I know, that I will be taking more rides through a painted desert at other times later in my life. That's okay. In fact, I look forward to it. I plan to soak it up. I know God will meet me there. His grace and mercy guide me if I look up. That season of my life will be a reminder of who was there in a barron place and did not give up on me. It will not be easy to forget. It wasn't about loving God anymore. It's about abiding in His love that He offers so abundantly and we refuse so easily.

A couple summers ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to chaperone my church youth group mission trip to Las Vegas. On the way back we got to stop at the Grand Canyon. Talk about God's glory. I remember having that same memory of the Painted Desert float up in my mind. I recalled my grandpa talking about the Grand Canyon, but we weren't able to make the drive on that trip. I had no idea what was on the other side of the desert. Splendor beyond anything I have ever known. The mystery and the greatness has no comparison. There was nothing better than standing on that rocky ledge and staring out into the vast and beautiful canyon, knowing that God was in every part of it. It is the same in my heart. God is in every part of the struggle and the pain, if you seek Him in it. And the spalshes of His wonder and His might show up in your life, no matter how barron it may seem. And as I walk through life, He continues to awaken the very things in me that He created and fashioned. I hope that this writing gives you hope in your barron place. Know He is the one who will meet you in the desert. You might have to wrestle and it will be painful. But He will be there. In every part of it.

In Chirst,

Jessica