Soul Revival

And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, "Which commandment is the most important of all?" Jesus answered, "The most important is, "Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second is this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." There is no other commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31 ESV

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." Isaiah 57:15 ESV


      It's been well over a year since I last blogged. There's a couple reason's why it's been so long. Alot has happened since the last time I blogged, inlcuding meeting the man I took as my husband. :) It's interesting to look back at my Bible, my notebook/ journal, and my blog and see how slowly but surely, I stopped reading, stopped writing, and stopped reflecting. I do have to say, that I didn't stop praying (I wouldn't have made it through our dating and engagement with out doing that!!!). Overall though, I'll admit my focus had changed. When I met Clinton (technically for the 2nd time) I was absolutely scared (and excited). Why would I be scared you might ask? Because I knew. I knew he was it and I knew that even if this was arranged by God, I would lose the focus I had aquired in the desert and in my place of contentment, in my soul. I knew this because, that is typiclaly what happens, at least in my high school and college years. I like a guy, he liked me, we'd start dating, and I would focus on him and not Him. I'm not a fan of that change in focus. And God had become so real to me when I lived on my own, that I didn't want to lose that. I quickly realized that since this was different than other relationships in my past, Clinton would encourage my relationship with God, as his heart was in the right place.  I was blessed and encouraged by the prayers he prayed before we ate our food on dates, the books he was reading, and the conversations he would have with others. But naturally, I became pretty consumed with our relationship and wedding planning.

Some would believe that this was a very natural and healthy thing, to prepare for marriage is to focus on preparing and most girls have dreamed about planning a wedding all their young lives. I very much wanted to have the best approach with marriage because personally, I didn't want mine to fail. And I hadn't really dreamed about planning the wedding, but more so marrying a really awesome guy who loved me and loved God, and being a beauty in white. I some what loathed the planning. It distracted me. Several times I just felt so uncomfortable. Like something wasn't right in my soul. It wasn't marrying Clinton. I have never had such a peace as I do about the choice to marry him. I love him dearly. But, there was something I wasn't really tending to, something I wasn't really focused on.

My soul.

And the Creator of my soul, the Holy God who fashioned me called out to me during all the wedding planning and the arguments with family about the guest lists, and the worry of money. I remember getting so upset, completely tossed out of the boat at times while we were engaged because I could barely hear God's voice. I had all these questions deep inside me about what my life is supposed to look like as a married woman. And I felt unsettled. And I know Clinton could tell it. I have been blessed with a very calm and understanding husband. And the cool thing was, he knew I would be revived.

Everything about our wedding was wonderful. I surrendered a great deal to God the day before our wedding and then I glided through the hair spray, the first look pictures, the ceremony, and the reception. And we had a wonderful time. During the ceremony, I remember the feeling I had deep with in me. I knew with all my heart and with all of my soul that this was right. That this was holy and perfect and good. And my soul was opened a bit. Revived just a little.

The dust has very much settled since our wedding. And it has been lovely. Slowly I have read a little more and written a little. Clinton and I will read scripture before bed sometimes and sometimes we'll pray being so unsure of what the future holds but trusting.  But, I still had that unsettling feeling in me. Something I realized was my soul, asking to be revived by it's Creator. Asking to be opened up again and focused on. I heard a sermon this morning that encouraged this feeling and truly brought it to life again. It's easy to say that I've had alittle readjustment, a little refocus. And I love it. I want to write and sing and seek God's word. Not because I'm supposed to as a Christian but because MY SOUL LONGS FOR IT! I want my whole self, my soul to go into this relationship. No back burner business here! :)

I know that this isn't the last and only "revival" of my soul. I am aware that as life throws curve balls, my soul may get neglected, therefor my Creator God neglected. I know that He will meet me in the lowly places and continue to bring me back. He will continue to revive my soul. And yours, too.

I encourage you to listen to the message "Love God with All Your Soul" by Carl Newbanks of Living Way Church, which is the sermon that encouraged my soul revival. :)

Jessica

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